Reflective nonfiction · by M. A. Khan · Publish Prime Publishing
I Can't
And Then I Did
Reflective nonfiction · Paperback, 651 pages · eBook · Published by Publish Prime Publishing
I did not set out to write a book about resilience.
I have spent much of my life in places where resilience mattered, although we rarely called it that at the time. This book is about what those places taught me, and about the one lesson that took considerably longer to understand: resilience is not always about continuing.
From the author
For years, my instinctive response to difficulty was remarkably consistent: keep going. Work harder. Learn more. Prepare better. Accept the responsibility. Solve the problem.
It was an approach that served me well. It carried me through examinations, training, operating theatres, deployments, leadership roles and circumstances in which stopping simply was not an available option.
There is great value in learning that you can continue when part of you believes you cannot.
There is also danger in becoming too good at it.
This book grew from that tension.
It is not an autobiography, although much of my life is inevitably within it. It is not a military memoir, although military service shaped me profoundly. It is not a book about surgery, although the operating theatre taught me lessons that reached far beyond medicine. It is certainly not a manual for success. I would be suspicious of anyone claiming to possess one.
Nor is it a book about overcoming everything. Some things cannot be overcome. That matters.
If you have opened this page because there is something in your own life that feels impossible, I will not tell you that you can do it. I do not know that. But perhaps you do not need the answer yet. Perhaps I can’t is enough for today. Say it. Mean it if you need to. Then, when you are ready, look at what is actually in front of you.
There may simply be a morning, a quiet room and a cup of tea.
Start there.
The rest of this book did.
What is inside
A preface, a prologue, nine parts, thirty seven chapters and an epilogue.
- I · Becoming
- II · The Person Everyone Looks At
- III · The Things We Leave Behind
- IV · More
- V · Former
- VI · Begin Again
- VII · The Body
- VIII · Put the Bag Down
- IX · I Can’t
It opens with I CAN’T. It ends with I DID.
The opening pages
The tea has gone cold.
I realise this only when I pick up the cup and take a mouthful. There are few disappointments in life quite as mundane as discovering that something you thought was going to be warm is not. I drink it anyway. I have endured worse.
The laptop is open in front of me. The cursor flashes patiently on an empty page, apparently under the impression that I know what I am going to write.
I don’t.
A note instead of reviews
This book is newly published, so there are no reader reviews here yet. The excerpt above is its real opening. If it speaks to you, the rest of the book keeps that promise.
Questions, answered
Is this an autobiography?
No. The preface says so directly. It is reflective nonfiction built from a real life.
Do I need to have read Blood, Time and Judgement first?
No. The two books stand alone.
Which format should I choose?
The paperback is a 651 page, 6 x 9 edition designed for slow reading. The eBook is the same text for readers who prefer a screen.
Where can I buy it?
On Amazon, in paperback and on Kindle.
Also by M. A. Khan
M. A. Khan is a surgeon, former military officer and leader turned author. He writes reflective nonfiction about duty, loss, resilience and what comes next. I Can’t is his account of a lifetime spent being the person everyone looks at, and of learning, later than he would have liked, what to carry and what to put down. He is also the author of Blood, Time and Judgement.